coz the world is bigger than this!

hello world. yes, new blog means a new life for those who know me well. haha. third blog so far since my secondary school days, which means my third new lease of life. well, i'm proud of myself! some people live their whole lives stucked in self-pity, self-denial or whatever negative you can think off, so i'm pretty cool to be able to start afresh three times so far!

let's see, since it's so early in the morning, there's is nothing much to blog about my day yet, let's discuss about casual sex. i think sex should be made sacred, like only saved for the one you love isn't it? is it even enjoyable to have sex with someone you don't love? i think it's more of a moment of fun thing and i guess it will feel quite gross after awhile. not having an old-fashioned mindset here, but people should treasure their bodies more, give it only to the ones who deserve it, the ones whom they love, right? but if i'm a girl, i think i may give it to someone who pays! wahaha! oh wells.

so yes, after 17 months or should i say 5 years, i'm finally out of the tangles of a relationship and back to where i am again, this time better and stronger. i guess i must be proud of myself for the things i've done considered it was my first relationship ever and being the first relationship in my life, it lasted 17 months, i must say i didn't do too bad. well, i can only say in my next relationship, i will know better what to avoid and what to do better to ensure it will last longer than 17 months!

now, i'm in the phase of letting go. so yes, my new life is just beginning and not exactly on the right track yet. nobody loves letting go of things they have been used to, maybe explains why it lasted 17 months and not less. the hardest fast is, although feelings can change, memories remain! is there like a delete-data-from-brain pill? okay maybe not, sometimes memories are nice to keep when you've seen through things. so yea, i'll keep the sweet ones and forget the painful ones.

okay, honestly, i'm just sore that it had to end, especially the reason that ends it, it hurts. amazing how my first relationship can turn up to have so many dramatic twists, it's scary. maybe i'm not ready to love anytime soon but of course one day, i will be. i do not plan to be a monk! lol. maybe it's god's plan to build me up to be ready for something better in the future, hope so. amen. hahaha.

the last week hasn't been the best of weeks but i have learnt so much. i have learnt anger management, i have learnt to be patient, i have learnt to trust and also learnt what true love really is. so i did gain quite a bit despite the pain, no pain no gain eh? i believe in love, i still have faith in love and i know i can make love work, just need to find the right other hand to clap with me. but for now, i don't really believe in the word, forever. it's such a simple short word yet it means so much, complicated, shall not cover.

anyways, i'm a free man again. where's all my ladies from the past? hehe. okay kidding, no ladies, i very innocent one. ask me out people, i'm free yo! but if you wanna ask me out to share love story, i'll shoot you with a gun. don't ask me anymore k? just congratulate me on my new lease of life and wish me the best. hmm, what shall i do later in the day?

i wonder how it feels to lose something in your grasps twice?